Baby Boom Echo

Posted under the wrong (Puffshouse) blog already.

For those who didn't know, this is North America's biggest baby boom in 50 years. While nowhere near the baby boom of the 50s, this is unlike any other in 100 years. In other words, mothers are older at the start of their journey into parenthood. Mothers are working for sometimes up to 12-15 years. Unlike the mothers of the 50s baby boom, they aren't having 4 kids, so it isn't as crucial to be a stay-at-home mom. In fact, it might be very hard to take off work for 10 years and go back at it age 40 rather than 30 like those before us. In Calgary we are having the greatest growth of babies in Canada. And we don't get to pay $7/day for daycare like Montrealites. Where they are NOT experiencing the same rapid growth of little monster-toddlers.


Yesterday I was out Easter-egg hunting with my little guy. I ran into the alderman who helped create a dazzling new playground in 2008 in our 'hood. You can see my little monster going down the slide below. I made a self-conscious comment about having to truck my kid up the playground to go down the slide because it only takes "one boot getting stuck once on that slide just once and you're the bad parent in town". The guy has the balls to tell me that the City actually advised them to not make this stupid slide a story off the ground with NO barriers because it would, and I quote "kill kids." He scoffs.

I say, "well yeah, it's not safe!" And he says, "I'm more of the free-range parent." So I start breathing hard and fast and point at his kid who is like, one, and ask, "would you let HIM go up there alone?" And the dude goes, "no, I go with him." As in, you aren't a free-range parent, or...?? Either way, it was uncomfortable and the dude didn't know his ass from a...well, I'm not good at sayings, but it seemed like a ridiculous convo.

Most playgrounds for older kids have barriers to getting up (like, um, a rock wall, or ladder thing) to stop little guys from getting up too high where they don't know that they could tumble off the side of a slide or a story off the ground with one mis-step. Not this playground. Oh, no, they built this in the name of FREE-RANGE PARENTING so our kids could play hockey in the streets like in the 80s, in a cul-de-sac (which doesn't exist in our area because we're not in the burbs). And they could walk to the corner store by themselves to buy their parents smokes like we did in the 80s, and go into the liquor stores to buy dad beer a la never, but you get the point. They're trying to recreate their youth.

I want a revolution. Never before have so many older (30s) women had kids in such high numbers while trying to keep their livelihoods that they had pre-kids. What do we want? We want subsidies for care. We want part-time work options with part-time daycare options that doesn't make no sense financially (daycares prorate daycares if you go fulltime). We want to know that taking 5 years off work for 2 kids won't make us 40 years old working at Starbucks. We want sensible playgrounds built by people who might have a clue about safety (the City isn't totally dumb in these areas, check out Eau Claire's indoor and outdoor playgrounds that are made to be totally separate for ages without parents' involvement chasing their toddlers away from stairs not meant for them). And parents who don't say "I'm more into this or that philosophy" as a way of distancing themselves from us and making us feel like morons. And on that point, parents who aren't too cool for school who act like their son is God's gift who pretend they don't know me when I walk up and say hi. I want more mommas like a friend I met at the garden. When I asked if she was considering a second she said "I don't know, it was just SO hard, no one tells you that the sleep is going to be so bad and it just keeps going." I hugged her so hard I might have hurt her.

We're part of a demographic. We're having babies and changing the world. Time to stop expecting our Boomer parents to do everything and make decisions for us and accepting the status quo of life as we know it right now paying more for daycare than most peoples' mortgages. We need to change this world. Now.

An Outdoor Child

This Easter long weekend of 4 days was special this year as it was unseasonally warm for an early March Easter. We spent 8 hours a day outside digging what will be a low-maintenance vegetable and fruit garden.
I can honestly say that I have never seen my son show so much imagination, joy and contentment as he did spending 3 periods of over an hour outside per day in these 4 days.

He laid in the dirt and pretended to take a bath, then a nap, then would roll around and do something else that only he could understand. He took his dumptrucks over and around the newly created beds and pathways. He followed me to and from a dirt pile, counting "one, twoo, twoo!" with me (I said three instead of two!). He sat on the deck for snacks just sitting there quietly with a little smile, watching and taking in the sun, the birds, mommy and daddy. Sometimes he would just say "momma" and wait for me so he could give me a smile of pure joy. This from a child who I often describe as impatient, a little grump, a little crazy. No, he was Buddha this weekend, and it makes my heart sing.

This is what I was waiting for. Years of hauling compost around, making vegetables and wondering, "what is this all for if we don't have little ones to share it with?" and yearning for a baby. Then Baby came and it's felt like life went still, stagnated, became a whirl of plastics, weight-gain, darkness in many ways, sickness and fatigue. This sharing of joy, cuddles, and seeing my son suddenly know what joy can be found on Earth is what it was for. Is what my life was meant for as a being on Earth. It's wonderful.

We still deal with bedtime, fatigue, plastic toy gifts in overabundance and everything else we thought we'd never let happen or have happen, but there seems to be a spark now of something bigger, grander and special in it all. Thanks be to Gardens.

What is a "Natural" lifestyle

I found a quote on what is likely a very controversial website (http://beyondveg.com) that spurred this post. I came across it while exploring naturopaths in Calgary. Which led me to "traditional" or "natural" diets. Which had me then groaning because everytime I look more deeply into some new health trend, I realize it is a dead end.

My issue is I have issues with naturopaths.I want to love them, I do. I took Charlie there and they performed a psychic reading on him. They didn't call it that. But they did say, stop medicine and just wait for him to get better. 6-8 weeks later he got better. Not scientific so I could never trust they did anything. And the weird voodoo didn't help their case, nor the cost.

Other than that, I have some points.

1. Their college here in Canada teaches a couple courses in homeopathy. I cannot say for sure that this "medicine" does not work. But I can say that there is no scientific evidence that homeopathy is no more effective than the placebo effect (taking sugar pills and believing they are true medicine). Let's not forget that the Placebo effect, even when someone knows they are taking a placebo, has a 20% success rate. However, the appointments and medicine are not free nor are they cheap. I do not want a part in this. Can I avoid homepathy while seeing a naturopath? Will they hate me for saying as such?

2. Many naturopaths practise dietary suggestions to patients including gluten-free, dairy-free, etc, diets. While professing that they steer away from hypothetical trendy diets and stick to traditional, whole-food diets, this in itself is actually a "trend" meaning in the last 100-200 years certain people have loosely studied native diets and modern followers have cited these diets as the new, best diet. However, most of these diets are just not proven scientifically and using the word "natural", they seem better, when in fact, those peoples had high infant mortality rates, horrid disease, and they didn't have the science to know what was actually in their food, meaning they had to consume some of it more than we do when we could just pop a pill with vitamin C (or have it injected by a, you guessed it, naturopath). You get success stories but none of the ex-diet people speaking up. Moreover, some are extremely time-consuming for real families. SO many breastfeeding advocates go along on this line of thinking. What was natural then must be good now, begetting any infant mortality, lack of dietary knowledge (ie. creating a viable substitute for breastmilk that wasn't a. poisonous or b. malnutritious). What really gets me is saying getting no sleep is natural for our cavewomen ancestors. That one really kills me as they only lived a few decades. Sleep is, to me, one of THE factors in good health.

3. One of the quotes I liked from above controversial website was "vegetarianism often is an enthusiasm of younger, more idealistic people that doesn't last or doesn't "stick" as they get out into the world, and start dealing with the everyday vicissitudes of life that make idealism of any sort difficult."

4. If that previous idealism and currently waking up to reality doesn't perfectly describe my daily existence these days, nothing does. There is no more happiness found in not having cable tv, not driving my car, not eating meat. In fact, there is a certain large amount of misery found in no tv, walking and preparing vegetarian meals. The fact is that my child needs to be driven to daycare lately. We have a lot of illness lately and i just can't trust walking to get me/him home quickly in emergencies. It's called survival state. He hates vegetables and loves meat, which is a whole protein. Easier. I don't want meat, but veggie meals take longer for us to make. I am actually slightly afraid of meat and contamination, but the "everyday vicissitudes of life" are encroaching in what I used to believe in and would like to do with my life versus what I can actually do with my life right now.

5. With the lack of idealism in my life, I seem to be floating in space with no anchor. My sense of identity has become what I imagine is a wild cavewoman, hungry for meat, irritable and more likely to grunt than talk to someone saying with a fuzzy-bunny chime "how was your weekend!!!" I hate the weekends. I loathe trying to fit in quality family bonding, big meal preparations, having a nap, going for 20 minutes of exercise, and an endless list of Things That I Wanted To Accomplish This Weekend. I literally fall apart, grouch a lot and feel intense anxiety on the weekend.

6. Something has to change. For some reason I keep getting flare-ups of my ulcer. I have an ulcer! This is known as a chronic health condition, something this happiness-book-reader knows does NOT lead to happiness. It leads to chronic depression or in my case, more anxiety. Which led me to today.

7. Therefore, I am resigned to go visit a naturopath. Maybe it will be pointless. I know they cannot pry my latte out of stubborn hands as this is the only thing in life that makes me happy, but maybe something will arise from the venture into more health awareness that I have not thought of yet. Outside of not touching ANY doorknobs, light switches, kissing my husband, going out with friends, drinking weirdass health drinks constantly, thinking 'happy, grateful thoughts' when I can, etc, etc.

8. Wish me luck. It isn't easy being a skeptic. Truly, I cannot help skepticism. Some people have more than others. I have a lot. I tend to become interested in new ideas and look them up, usually with an open-mind, but the older I get, the more I look it up because I don't know how I had not come across this before. Turns out Shakespeare was right. There is nothing new under the sun. New ideas usually mean new fabricated ideas.  Could I live a long life believing every evangelist that I came across? Who knows. Perhaps happier. But it just isn't me.

Move away to Rural BC

After a throw-up incident on Friday night with Charlie in which I basically had a panic attack that we were all about to succumb to the dreaded norovirus (for those who don't know, it's the most prevalent GI illness out there and after having it once, I can say, it warrants a panic attack).

Today I learned at the daycare shmaycare that Charlie wasn't the only one, and it wasn't just a too-full belly that caused his illness as some suspected (not me!). Luckily I bleached the hell out of everything we touched that night cleaning up, well, except for Charlie's head, but I was tempted. And:

• I haven't had bleach in my house period since I left home.
• Now I feel it's a necessity as this is the only way to stop the spread of norovirus once it gets in your house, daycare, etc.
• I feel guilty about it, even though at the same time I feel like drinking the stuff "just to be safe".
• I seriously want to pull Charlie out of daycare.
• I don't trust one of his caregivers who is super defensive and never happy.
• The YWCA is now allowing homeless women to sleep in their gym, where the kids play, as an emergency shelter. I feel guilty about it, but I also want it to stop. They are babies and they are on the ground. How can I be assured they are safe from the things that unfortunately exist in vulnerable populations such as bacterias, viruses, etc?
• How can I be sure the daycare is safe? The caregivers giving enough hugs?  The food handled properly (well, I do read the Health Inspection reports in this case. Yes. I actually do.) How can I be sure all medium and large urban areas are not just cesspools of disease?
• In other words, I am freaking out. I want to pack up and run away with my family. Hawaii would be nice. But rural BC, some farm that doesn't get too cold...live in a trailer.
• I realize my family doesn't come visit anymore often with a house than they used to. And we have no furniture for them. And one bathroom. And when they fly here, I get paranoid about the germs. And when I fly to see them, I get paranoid. I'm losing it.

In the end, I would like to state that the world is a very scary place with too much uncertainty and I have very little delusional optimism which I've read recently is a necessary human trait to get through the misery of life.

Here is a farm for sale near J's brother's home on the west coast. Only $949,000 (laughs crazily).

First friend

I remember my first friend. Tanys. Inseparable. We thought she would marry my brother and we would be "REAL" sisters forever. My mom sewed us identical outfits in different colours. Tanys was always yellow, me pink. Our moms coordinated birthday and Christmas gifts so we always had the same things. I was heartbroken when Tanys moved on in life to new friends and boys and schools. We called each other's parents by their first names. We played on the same softball team from t-ball until after we could drive ourselves to our games. We were both pitchers. We both played piano. We loved the Blue Jays and had posters of our favourite players up in our rooms. Our entirely pink rooms.

We are still friends, though mainly over facebook. When I became pregnant she sent me all these gifts, some of them being things that were just SO Tanys, meaning I would never have picked them out. Tanys LOVES Disneyworld. Her grandparents lived in Florida growing up so she went there a lot, and over the years I think she found different, new ways to love the experience, from sharing it with her husband, her daughter, etc. Either way, do I like Disneyland? Meh, not really! I may even be "against" Disney in what it has to offer in the way of consumer capitalism. But I love that she loves Disney. Because it was originally a way of being. A happy place where kids are forever. Innocent and joyful. Like Tanys.

When Tanys sent a huge (HUGE!) Mickey Mouse in the mail from Saskatoon to Charlie, I could only giggle. SO Tanys. I love her like a sister. Only a sister can be so different from you but not be offensive in any way. "Mickey" is one of Charlie's best pals now. He loves hugging him and biting his big nose. For a long time, Mickey was bigger than Charlie. I think it helped their relationship.
Some of my granola friends are a little surprised Charlie has a Mickey Mouse friend. But that makes me love Tanys even more. She is a nurse and so loving and giving.

This morning Charlie walked into daycare with me and his little buddy Paige came up and gave him a big hug. A couple weeks ago I learned Charlie had a friend named Riley at daycare who he was following around the slides and little plastic houses. Now Paige. Both girls (my little ladies man).

Seeing Charlie develop a friend or two makes me miss Tanys so bad it hurts my heart. In the best possible way.

Reason to Jog Reminder #816

Getting caught in a flash rain/hail storm on the lunch break. I can't think of a better WakeUp Activity than running AND a shower!
Refreshing, adventurous and uplifting.

Why I run: Reminder #416

I went for my lunchbreak jog alone today. It was drizzling outside, high teens, and of course, perfect running weather. However, so many days can be cancelled due to the following excuses, all of which occurred for me this morning.
I'm sore from (blank) and the run will be painful, long and bring me no joy.
I'm having irritable bowels (again) and the run will make it worse.
I should be doing (blank) instead.
I shouldn't take a lunch and leave early so I can pick up the kid from daycare a little earlier.
I won't lose any weight, binge later in the day, and it won't make me feel good.
I will have really bad hair after running in this humidity/rain.
I will be really sweaty for my meeting.
I will probably stink for my meeting.
I can't jog alone because it is too boring.

But today, I went anyways. ALone to confront my stressed out thoughts, sore body and bad humidity hair.

I never time my runs, or care how far I go. I aim for my "loop" and that's about it. Which at times makes the whole thing feel pointless. Why do I go? What is my goal? When will I run a race? Get a personal best, join a jogging group, improve, improve, improve.

Today, lost in thought running through the old-growth trees on St. George's Island, without any people in sight, the traffic noises barely audible along Memorial, suddenly I came upon a Merganser duck mom. She was taking her ducklings, about 8 of them, out of their tree nest, across the sidewalk and into the river. I arrived just as the last few were flopping out of the tree from way up high, right in front of me.

I stood completely in awe.

No longer was I constrained by thoughts. Thoughts of my life. Self-pitying thought of being a tired mom, a sore renovator, an insignificant office worker, a cranky and often angry 31 year old woman.

All in that one moment of seeing the rare duck and her duckling, I felt like a complete creature. I was a creature mom waiting out of respect for this duck mom to move her kids along. I was completely absorbed in this scene.

 The rain drizzling onto me, warm from my jog, air fresh, plants dense and green, it was a scene of Mother Earth, of the nature that is just a quick jaunt from any downtown or suburb. It was a reason to be alive to be witness to this. To be whacked upside the head by beauty and be reminded of my physical essence on earth as just another creature. It pratically had me in tears, which is the obvious touch of pure sublimeness, being a sense of both pain and pleasure. 

I waited for them to disappear into the plants, then with a sudden vitality of energy and life in me, I sprang back into my jog. My hamstrings and quads had a strength that could only be brought on by true and pure inspiration. Not owing to nutrition (a sugary mocha being my only that morning), not owing to hydration (certainly not considering the beer and wings from last night), and not owing to any complex carb-loading/running shoe technology/lululemon-jogging gear, I ran back to the office at a breakneck speed. Like a disciple spreading the word, I felt I had a mission to share this with another human. To let them know the secret to life. The secret just over there, just behind the plants bordering the downtown. Just beyond the pedestrian bridge that takes you into the real life.

 I'm glad I jogged at lunch. This is why I do it.