cannot supress it

I cannot supress this desire to take care of some small person.
No fancy car, fancy house, or high rise condo seems to change this.
I want a small, helpless cuddly bundle of joy.
Is it another accessory, a cat or designer dog, to make me look chic?
Desires to be a mommy. To have a family. My own.
him for his silly boyhood dream of being a strong hero of citizens? Is he doing it for others, or for himself?

I cannot supress the urge, nor fill my life with stuff to overcome it. It is not a disease or disorder like every other urge in the world today, it is simply my life being driven by that animal inside. Prozac or vacations to Mexico...would those help me? Who is being suppressed, who is being compressed? Am I suppressing my own life for this other desire? Who am I fighting against? Who is trying to put me into a box of a life, where everything should neatly fit and be in order, this then that, then car then kid then retirement?

What can i do? I don't even like babies, or diapers or soft toys and Disney movies. But i want a child. I want to reproduce. What truest pursuit can I go after, yet this is mocked and seen as silly. I would rather play sports than dress a dolly, but yet this female person inside me knows more than that, she wants it, and I must answer that call.

Those who were called but could not deliver, for lack of money, health, who knows? What did they do? Did they carry on happily? Were they okay? I don't know.