The world post-coffee

So much better.

J's mom came in this weekend, dropped off the sis, then made her way to BC for some hot springing and lovin! However, our weekend became strange after we gave our dear cats away to a loving family with a 5000 sq ft, beautiful, home in the NW. Upon return, we bawled our eyes out, and grudgingly went for dinner with RandSand and Sister. I felt everyone was drinking too much, it seemed crazy, but it actually did help with the grief to be drinking and laughing with family (mainly the laughing I think!).

Last night momma came back in, but it became an ugly event when I had to set the facts straight on hunting. I don't have a thing against hunters, I have a thing against hunting. If we discuss hunting, I gots to be honest, hunters, well, that's there beef, I ain't no angel either. Again too much drinking, this time it seemed one-sided, not sure why momma's got to drink so much. It doesn't seem like a Good Time to me, seems juvenile, and selfish in the wrong way (unlike going for a walk to unwind alone, which seems like selfishness in the best way).

Ilove you J. I don't know how to express this sometimes. Words lose meaning. Even pinning it down to this or that seems shallow. I cannot describe sometimes the reason I love you, but I think a lot of it is having a best friend. But again, describing that is hard as well. Friendship. Love. Friends. Lovers. What does this mean to me?

Work is horrible today, the coffee made it better. I want out of here, I spend too long looking at other lives thinking they are better. They are not. I feel useless, no one can help me with that. Anyways, I look forward to my jog at lunch, as time without windows is time on standstill.