I haven't posted anything for awhile...maybe because my every thought and emotion is consumed by the fear around having the baby. It probably didn't help to dwell on it over the 8 days I was sick at home, watching "the Baby Story", "I didn't know I was Pregnant", "16 and Pregnant", etc, etc. But on the other hand, I know I'm avoiding some major fears, but I'm having a lot of trouble putting my finger on it.
One huge worry is my health. I know I'll recover from the childbirth, I know we'll both be healthy, but until then, I worry about having to take a day off, and I worry about baby/kid germs afterwards too. Seeing Ailish post on her Facebook about her kids who are sick vomitting with diarrhea certainly hasn't helped. I barely make it to the doctor when I'm sick due to long lines, outrageous conditions in the medi-clinics (dirty and unsanitary, rude staff), so it's hard to think of all the things I'll have to do afterwards like finding a family doctor for me and the babe.
In terms of my exercise, I feel like a big old bear sometimes, unable to do anything without some incontinence or that feeling of having to go, but not being able to. Jogging has become really uncomfortable. My jacket doesn't fit. I am scared to x-ski in case I fall. I don't want to swim because of my weak immune system and dry eyes...the list goes on. It's so hard to focus "on the positive" because frankly I don't see anything positive right now.
Going to the home of loved one but knowing they are smoking in the house (but opening the window, which has the effect of driving the smoke IN to the house) has caused more stress as I won't be leaving myself or the baby at their house if they're doing that. Seriously! I wish I was more like my cousin Jessica, able to shrug off difficulty so easily. Yet I read in a book that worrying is sometimes good for having a baby. But I am having trouble putting that worry into things I can fix, or even understand.
The only positive thigns are news I might have a ft job afterwards, and Justin could stay home for 3-6 months. but again, this scares me because I hate to put Justin in the position of running himself ragged once more. And I feel like a bad mom! And I'm not even a mom yet :(
Also, I've been doing a lot of baking/prep for baking. At least this is something I can "lose myself" in, and see a tangible outcome (well, for a while until it's all eaten up!).
With Justin home over the holidays, hopefully my mind is more at ease when we have cleaned up the baby's room, bought some 2nd hand stuff, and learned a little more about what we need for the baby. And starting our birthing classes should help too. In the meantime...stressball.
Showing posts with label jogging. Show all posts
Showing posts with label jogging. Show all posts
Monday, December 6, 2010
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
Jogging at 17 weeks
I turned 17 weeks prego yesterday, and in one hour I'll be heading out for my 5km jog over my lunch hour. I have to jog pretty slow, as it feels like running on a full stomach, but without that sloshing feeling. In other words, this might be what extra fat feels like for those carrying it around. It's not that bad, and i could probably run even faster if I was 'just fat' , but there is an extra unpleasant sensation of ligaments that are loose and getting looser as I run.
Overall, I would recommend jogging at this stage, especially because it takes me outside into the (sometimes) sunny day, keeps my face nicely tanned, and with our cool weather this year, I don't overheat in any way.
Otherwise, I have started walking over riding the bike to work, so that adds an extra 6 kilometres of speed-walking into my day. Often the walking is more difficult than the jogging, maybe because my lazy run has less bounce than my energetic walk? But overall I'm getting around 11km of fun into my day.
I would love to have access to free weights 3 times a week to keep the upper body in shape. I stopped the chinups over a month ago, as I can't modify them, and it caused an immediate reaction in my belly that told me "uh uh lady". I started doing pushups from my knees, or one knee, but lately I've been undermotivated to do these, mainly because I don't feel it's enough so I don't want to do it at all!
Prenatal yoga is okay, as Audra has up doing Sun Salutations which gives me a chance to work the upper body, but it's only once a week. I might get to teach prenatal at Sanguine soon, but knowing sanguine, it might not happen at all. This would really give me motivation to stay strong, as a role model to the others, but we'll see.
I would love to work out with Jenn at the UofC if she went a little earlier, but I noticed that amongst a mainly male student body, I felt out of place in my street clothes even. I think the stares would be enough to stop me from going.
The pants are getting to be an issue, but luckily my spandex is mainly comfortable still. The work pants have become the main problem, so I'm sitting in the office with the fly open sometimes, or slouched way down in my chair. I am definitely procrastinating with buying new ones. I can't imagine new pants will be stylish, stupid maternity wear.
Overall, I would recommend jogging at this stage, especially because it takes me outside into the (sometimes) sunny day, keeps my face nicely tanned, and with our cool weather this year, I don't overheat in any way.
Otherwise, I have started walking over riding the bike to work, so that adds an extra 6 kilometres of speed-walking into my day. Often the walking is more difficult than the jogging, maybe because my lazy run has less bounce than my energetic walk? But overall I'm getting around 11km of fun into my day.
I would love to have access to free weights 3 times a week to keep the upper body in shape. I stopped the chinups over a month ago, as I can't modify them, and it caused an immediate reaction in my belly that told me "uh uh lady". I started doing pushups from my knees, or one knee, but lately I've been undermotivated to do these, mainly because I don't feel it's enough so I don't want to do it at all!
Prenatal yoga is okay, as Audra has up doing Sun Salutations which gives me a chance to work the upper body, but it's only once a week. I might get to teach prenatal at Sanguine soon, but knowing sanguine, it might not happen at all. This would really give me motivation to stay strong, as a role model to the others, but we'll see.
I would love to work out with Jenn at the UofC if she went a little earlier, but I noticed that amongst a mainly male student body, I felt out of place in my street clothes even. I think the stares would be enough to stop me from going.
The pants are getting to be an issue, but luckily my spandex is mainly comfortable still. The work pants have become the main problem, so I'm sitting in the office with the fly open sometimes, or slouched way down in my chair. I am definitely procrastinating with buying new ones. I can't imagine new pants will be stylish, stupid maternity wear.
Monday, April 5, 2010
The world post-coffee
So much better.
J's mom came in this weekend, dropped off the sis, then made her way to BC for some hot springing and lovin! However, our weekend became strange after we gave our dear cats away to a loving family with a 5000 sq ft, beautiful, home in the NW. Upon return, we bawled our eyes out, and grudgingly went for dinner with RandSand and Sister. I felt everyone was drinking too much, it seemed crazy, but it actually did help with the grief to be drinking and laughing with family (mainly the laughing I think!).
Last night momma came back in, but it became an ugly event when I had to set the facts straight on hunting. I don't have a thing against hunters, I have a thing against hunting. If we discuss hunting, I gots to be honest, hunters, well, that's there beef, I ain't no angel either. Again too much drinking, this time it seemed one-sided, not sure why momma's got to drink so much. It doesn't seem like a Good Time to me, seems juvenile, and selfish in the wrong way (unlike going for a walk to unwind alone, which seems like selfishness in the best way).
Ilove you J. I don't know how to express this sometimes. Words lose meaning. Even pinning it down to this or that seems shallow. I cannot describe sometimes the reason I love you, but I think a lot of it is having a best friend. But again, describing that is hard as well. Friendship. Love. Friends. Lovers. What does this mean to me?
Work is horrible today, the coffee made it better. I want out of here, I spend too long looking at other lives thinking they are better. They are not. I feel useless, no one can help me with that. Anyways, I look forward to my jog at lunch, as time without windows is time on standstill.
J's mom came in this weekend, dropped off the sis, then made her way to BC for some hot springing and lovin! However, our weekend became strange after we gave our dear cats away to a loving family with a 5000 sq ft, beautiful, home in the NW. Upon return, we bawled our eyes out, and grudgingly went for dinner with RandSand and Sister. I felt everyone was drinking too much, it seemed crazy, but it actually did help with the grief to be drinking and laughing with family (mainly the laughing I think!).
Last night momma came back in, but it became an ugly event when I had to set the facts straight on hunting. I don't have a thing against hunters, I have a thing against hunting. If we discuss hunting, I gots to be honest, hunters, well, that's there beef, I ain't no angel either. Again too much drinking, this time it seemed one-sided, not sure why momma's got to drink so much. It doesn't seem like a Good Time to me, seems juvenile, and selfish in the wrong way (unlike going for a walk to unwind alone, which seems like selfishness in the best way).
Ilove you J. I don't know how to express this sometimes. Words lose meaning. Even pinning it down to this or that seems shallow. I cannot describe sometimes the reason I love you, but I think a lot of it is having a best friend. But again, describing that is hard as well. Friendship. Love. Friends. Lovers. What does this mean to me?
Work is horrible today, the coffee made it better. I want out of here, I spend too long looking at other lives thinking they are better. They are not. I feel useless, no one can help me with that. Anyways, I look forward to my jog at lunch, as time without windows is time on standstill.
Friday, January 8, 2010
10,000 years/hours of love to a task
Recently the topic of "expertise" has floated into my consciousness. Serendipitously, a yoga newsletter sent a quote my way today on this subject, coincidentally also a man I have recently been interested in -- Aristotle. "We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit."
On the way back from our most wonderful week of wedding festivities, I popped in some old hiphop music and the words "If you ain't got a skill or trade, shut the hell up" by Del came up. This got me musing whether I could develop a skill or trade, and then I got into the realm of how I might become an expert at that.
OF course, knowing the answers are always within me, on my lunch jog I started to contemplate pronation versus supination, the old running shoe dichotomy, and my mind related this to Paul Grilley's external/internal rotation of the femur dictating what we can or cannot do in yoga. Suddenly it occured to me, I might be an expert in jogging. With well over 10 years of experience, little to no ambition to make this a extrinsic achievement for myself (my racing days ended long ago seeing how it ruined the intrinsic value I felt), and loving jogging as though it could save my life, I realized I could say with full confidence that I am a jogging expert. Huh.
So if you want to learn to jog, and clearly I am not going to help anyone run a marathon, well, I'm one of the people who could help. And I do, I have a long-standing record of having each ex-boyfriend run a marathon, including my husband, but more in my style, he did a fun-run that was a half marathon distance. For this low-achieving, jogging girl, this was more acceptable:)
On the way back from our most wonderful week of wedding festivities, I popped in some old hiphop music and the words "If you ain't got a skill or trade, shut the hell up" by Del came up. This got me musing whether I could develop a skill or trade, and then I got into the realm of how I might become an expert at that.
OF course, knowing the answers are always within me, on my lunch jog I started to contemplate pronation versus supination, the old running shoe dichotomy, and my mind related this to Paul Grilley's external/internal rotation of the femur dictating what we can or cannot do in yoga. Suddenly it occured to me, I might be an expert in jogging. With well over 10 years of experience, little to no ambition to make this a extrinsic achievement for myself (my racing days ended long ago seeing how it ruined the intrinsic value I felt), and loving jogging as though it could save my life, I realized I could say with full confidence that I am a jogging expert. Huh.
So if you want to learn to jog, and clearly I am not going to help anyone run a marathon, well, I'm one of the people who could help. And I do, I have a long-standing record of having each ex-boyfriend run a marathon, including my husband, but more in my style, he did a fun-run that was a half marathon distance. For this low-achieving, jogging girl, this was more acceptable:)
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