Yesterday was our one year anniversary. I'd like to pretend it was a great day, just like the original day, but I cannot lie to you, my devoted blog page. My mom actually reminded me that the day was nigh, and I made a point of mentioning it in yet another fit-o-rage to J, thus concreting our ability to remember at all!
It was -17 yesterday, no sun. I went in to work, at least feeling great for once, and my dearest J drove me in the morning. He spent the day sneezing at home and watching mobster movie marathons, while I spent the day fiddling with population projections and googling more baby stuff to freak myself out. After work, at the honest hour of 3:45pm, J picked me up in Jigs and we went to pick up our wedding print. Only one year behind, but at least it coincided with the idea that a One Year gift is paper/photo frame. Traffic was great since few people work over this week.
We spent some time at London Drugs with the photo, as they had to do a reprint to get the contrast softer, then we hopped over to Indigo books to grab 2 New York Times crossword puzzle books, more to the occasion of "Paper" gifts. Then we went to Earls, courtesy of J's mom's Xmas gift to us, and had two greasy non-vegetarian meals of Fish & Chips (me) and Huge Burger and mushroom soup (J). No dessert for this fat girl, but we did enjoy Cokes and Shirley Temples with our meals. I'll let you figure out who had what there.
We came home and watched a brand new show on tv called Addiction showcasing weird addicitions. That episode was on a woman eating tp, another sleeping with her blowdryer, etc etc. But we also sat on the chaisse together, as J is aiming to break it in, and we did more crosswording than tv-watching. The "easy" book we bought was still difficult and we cheated considerably.
Besides a big bath for me (J had already taken one by himself that day) and a phone call from Momma Smale, the day was uneventful. J finished his book on Pat Tileman (sp) and I almost got to the end of Water for Elephants.
I woke up at a decent hour of 6am intead of 4am for my pee-break, and we had some good snuggling before having to get up so I could drag myself in for another day of slacking.
I hope one day we can read back over all the anniversaries and I will be less bitter about the pregnancy. Maybe we'll do it while sipping martinis in Mexico some day? Um, I'm not kidding. It would make up for a non-tropical wedding if we could do the majority of our anniversaries in a tropical setting n'est-ce pas?
Thursday, December 30, 2010
Monday, December 20, 2010
Caution!
Hey little boy,
It's hard to dispense advice, because it's usually useless. The 'head fake' strategy that "the Last Lecture" guy (google him!) gave is a better tactic, but I don't have the energy to manipulate my advice into an interesting story.
My advice is that when you're all grown up, married and planning a family, please set aside money for your wife/gf/common-in-law so she doesn't feel she has to work through her pregnancy. Of course, this fund is also called an emergency fund, and is used throughout your life for all sorts of not-being-able-to-work situations, but I think the problem is that you wouldn't consider pregnancy an emergency. I'll bet you marry someone who doesn't have this issue, or you live somewhere like Hawaii where no one gets sick, but right now, if I knew I could take 2 weeks to recover from Christmas/a minor cold, I would. But I can't put that weight on your pops. Don't worry, he's been doing all our cooking, cleaning, laundry, errands, but I can't ask more of him in this way.
I hope you have a life where money isn't such an impediment to happiness. Or health. I hope you are so strong whether that means athletic, or strong mentally so you don't have stress killing you like it does me. And I hope you never feel bound to stay somewhere if you're unhappy, even if I beg you to stay.
Back to my advice, I get a little mushy sometimes. Joint bank account, and tell her you put aside this much for her. Do it as a surprise (set up a different account obviously). Think of it like an engagement ring fund, but one that will actually make her feel cared for and supported, rather than superficially above her friend with this or that diamond. Seems smart to me, doubt your gf/wife will understand.
It's hard to dispense advice, because it's usually useless. The 'head fake' strategy that "the Last Lecture" guy (google him!) gave is a better tactic, but I don't have the energy to manipulate my advice into an interesting story.
My advice is that when you're all grown up, married and planning a family, please set aside money for your wife/gf/common-in-law so she doesn't feel she has to work through her pregnancy. Of course, this fund is also called an emergency fund, and is used throughout your life for all sorts of not-being-able-to-work situations, but I think the problem is that you wouldn't consider pregnancy an emergency. I'll bet you marry someone who doesn't have this issue, or you live somewhere like Hawaii where no one gets sick, but right now, if I knew I could take 2 weeks to recover from Christmas/a minor cold, I would. But I can't put that weight on your pops. Don't worry, he's been doing all our cooking, cleaning, laundry, errands, but I can't ask more of him in this way.
I hope you have a life where money isn't such an impediment to happiness. Or health. I hope you are so strong whether that means athletic, or strong mentally so you don't have stress killing you like it does me. And I hope you never feel bound to stay somewhere if you're unhappy, even if I beg you to stay.
Back to my advice, I get a little mushy sometimes. Joint bank account, and tell her you put aside this much for her. Do it as a surprise (set up a different account obviously). Think of it like an engagement ring fund, but one that will actually make her feel cared for and supported, rather than superficially above her friend with this or that diamond. Seems smart to me, doubt your gf/wife will understand.
Monday, December 6, 2010
Scared?
I haven't posted anything for awhile...maybe because my every thought and emotion is consumed by the fear around having the baby. It probably didn't help to dwell on it over the 8 days I was sick at home, watching "the Baby Story", "I didn't know I was Pregnant", "16 and Pregnant", etc, etc. But on the other hand, I know I'm avoiding some major fears, but I'm having a lot of trouble putting my finger on it.
One huge worry is my health. I know I'll recover from the childbirth, I know we'll both be healthy, but until then, I worry about having to take a day off, and I worry about baby/kid germs afterwards too. Seeing Ailish post on her Facebook about her kids who are sick vomitting with diarrhea certainly hasn't helped. I barely make it to the doctor when I'm sick due to long lines, outrageous conditions in the medi-clinics (dirty and unsanitary, rude staff), so it's hard to think of all the things I'll have to do afterwards like finding a family doctor for me and the babe.
In terms of my exercise, I feel like a big old bear sometimes, unable to do anything without some incontinence or that feeling of having to go, but not being able to. Jogging has become really uncomfortable. My jacket doesn't fit. I am scared to x-ski in case I fall. I don't want to swim because of my weak immune system and dry eyes...the list goes on. It's so hard to focus "on the positive" because frankly I don't see anything positive right now.
Going to the home of loved one but knowing they are smoking in the house (but opening the window, which has the effect of driving the smoke IN to the house) has caused more stress as I won't be leaving myself or the baby at their house if they're doing that. Seriously! I wish I was more like my cousin Jessica, able to shrug off difficulty so easily. Yet I read in a book that worrying is sometimes good for having a baby. But I am having trouble putting that worry into things I can fix, or even understand.
The only positive thigns are news I might have a ft job afterwards, and Justin could stay home for 3-6 months. but again, this scares me because I hate to put Justin in the position of running himself ragged once more. And I feel like a bad mom! And I'm not even a mom yet :(
Also, I've been doing a lot of baking/prep for baking. At least this is something I can "lose myself" in, and see a tangible outcome (well, for a while until it's all eaten up!).
With Justin home over the holidays, hopefully my mind is more at ease when we have cleaned up the baby's room, bought some 2nd hand stuff, and learned a little more about what we need for the baby. And starting our birthing classes should help too. In the meantime...stressball.
One huge worry is my health. I know I'll recover from the childbirth, I know we'll both be healthy, but until then, I worry about having to take a day off, and I worry about baby/kid germs afterwards too. Seeing Ailish post on her Facebook about her kids who are sick vomitting with diarrhea certainly hasn't helped. I barely make it to the doctor when I'm sick due to long lines, outrageous conditions in the medi-clinics (dirty and unsanitary, rude staff), so it's hard to think of all the things I'll have to do afterwards like finding a family doctor for me and the babe.
In terms of my exercise, I feel like a big old bear sometimes, unable to do anything without some incontinence or that feeling of having to go, but not being able to. Jogging has become really uncomfortable. My jacket doesn't fit. I am scared to x-ski in case I fall. I don't want to swim because of my weak immune system and dry eyes...the list goes on. It's so hard to focus "on the positive" because frankly I don't see anything positive right now.
Going to the home of loved one but knowing they are smoking in the house (but opening the window, which has the effect of driving the smoke IN to the house) has caused more stress as I won't be leaving myself or the baby at their house if they're doing that. Seriously! I wish I was more like my cousin Jessica, able to shrug off difficulty so easily. Yet I read in a book that worrying is sometimes good for having a baby. But I am having trouble putting that worry into things I can fix, or even understand.
The only positive thigns are news I might have a ft job afterwards, and Justin could stay home for 3-6 months. but again, this scares me because I hate to put Justin in the position of running himself ragged once more. And I feel like a bad mom! And I'm not even a mom yet :(
Also, I've been doing a lot of baking/prep for baking. At least this is something I can "lose myself" in, and see a tangible outcome (well, for a while until it's all eaten up!).
With Justin home over the holidays, hopefully my mind is more at ease when we have cleaned up the baby's room, bought some 2nd hand stuff, and learned a little more about what we need for the baby. And starting our birthing classes should help too. In the meantime...stressball.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)